Myself & Myself

Last night a very intriguing thing happened. I will attempt to describe it here.

I dreamed that I was writing in this blog about my symptoms. And that I was describing a strong pain in the back of my left thigh.  A burning sensation. And that I thought that drinking water might help, but it didn't. I woke up at that point. The pain abruptly subsided. It was like the ghost of a pain. I wasn't sure anymore whether I really felt it or it had just been in my dream.

The day before, there was this tightness along the back of my left leg and I had wondered what it might be. Today, that vein was still acting up, but not in a painful way, like in the dream.

So, bear with me here:  this got me to think that my body, or my "second brain", my gut, or the extended version of it, the sympathetic nervous system, my SNS, was signaling me to take care of that vein issue, somehow. The increased water intake suggestion that "hadn't been working" in the dream is, after all, a suggestion. Maybe I should drink more liquids. I hardly drink any, besides the milk, OJ and occasional alcoholic drinks which dehydrate, if anything.

I know, I know, I'm out on a limb here, but hey, why not? That's how we progress. The worst thing that could happen is we waste some time on cute suppositions.

The most interesting part of the way my SNS (for lack of a better word) was alerting me in my dream that I should drink more water was the language IT used. Because, truly, that's not how I speak or think. I either use English or Romanian, but I cling to the grammar of both.

This SNS-related entity that sent me that message mixed Romanian with English in an unexpected and very expressive way. It was intrinsically wrong and... bizarelly right at the same time. It went to the root of expression, taking what it needed from both languages, so as to make a new symbiotic language, an idiom very remote to anything I would have used in a conscious manner. It was bilingual poetry and science, if you will.

"Imi dadui myself ceva de baut" was the phrase "it" used. "I gave myself something to drink", but the word "myself", in English, was introduced in the middle of "Imi dadui de baut" -- a fully understandably and grammatically correct Romanian sentence otherwise,  with a livresque undertone, meaning already "I gave myself something to drink". This reinforcement commanded attention big time! Hence, the whole feeling I had that I was being communicated to from some depth of "my self", one that I wasn't in control of.

Again, there was no need to repeat the "myself" part, and in another language, to boot, in the correct position for that other language... I would not have done it knowingly because it is bizarre and redundant. Still, it sounds strangely convincing and it implies that there are two "I"s at work. The conscious "I", and the unconscious "I", that strange "myself"... It separated "I" from "Myself" in a way, as in "A gave B something to drink", get it?

And there is one more layer of strangeness. Nobody says "I gave myself something to drink", or "Imi dadui de baut", although it is understandable and gramatically correct, if you will. We say: "I had something to drink"/"Am baut ceva". There is one "I", not two, one that gives, one that receives, you see? But yet, in my dream, there we were, to of "Us", a giver and a (reinforced)  receiver of water/care. (This was all about water, I know because it was my dream. It was all about hydration, not alcoholization). So there were two of us, two "I"s at work: a sick self and a mending, medicating, solution-finding self. A patient self and a doctor self, a health caring self.

So maybe this blog writing helped me get in touch with my "inner self", the one that usually doesn't speak, the one that's there and that cannot express itself, the one we do things to, wittingly or unwittingly.

Wouldn't that be wonderful, I say?

And now if you will excuse me, I need to go give "Myself" something to drink. :))))