March 13, 2013

Wed Mar 13, 2013 2:46 pm

Overcast Alsatian skies, really not a pleasure to be under. Erm. I take that back. It is always a pleasure to be under the sky, as in above the earth.

Coffee and milk. Gelatin. Antibiotic serving. Coconut oil. OJ. Cheese. Chorizo. (I know, PUFAs, but I craved it so). Root veggies soup. Not too Peatian, but my husband thinks I will die if I keep on not eating vegetables. I tried negotiating in vain, I have to drink daily servings of that. It’s not that bad and it does guard against constipation, so…OJ again. Coffee and milk and sugar. I boiled the raw milk I got from the market, see if that one works. I find out it doesn’t really, judging from a reddish patch under my ear and on my neck. Bummer, I really liked the taste. Rice and milk, with milk from the same farm, but probably pasteurized by them. Boar stew with potatoes, gelatin and red wine later. And more spiramycin. Ice cream.

I can’t understand the pounding heartbeat when I try to fall asleep at night. It's a recent development that bothers me. I sometimes feel it during the day as well. At night, I took Valium again, three times in a row. I don’t like that decisive heartbeat. Maybe it’s a good sign, but it takes getting used to. I stopped all vitamin supplements because of it...

The antibiotic is for some swollen lymph nodes, under my ears. Those that started to flare with progesterone, and then with pregnenolone. I am really not talented when it comes to hormone replacement, I will quit trying. I don’t even want to try the thyroid hormones, especially that I read that they also can give the enhanced heartbeat. What if I got mine from the RP diet? Maybe my thyroid is getting fixed, after all...

A few days ago I did an ultrasound for the lymph nodes and the friendly doctor moved her machine south to check on my thyroid status as well. She confirmed that it is non-homogeneous and “very vascularized”. I don’t like the vascularization part, I find it scary. Yet another thing I need to read up on. I asked her if she thought I might get it to recover on its own, through diet. She said she didn’t think so. She asked who my endocrinologist was, I told her. She said she was the best in town, really exquisite, so I am in good hands and I should follow her advice. Her advice is to not treat until TSH is 10! Trust her, the radiologist said, but in a mellower tone. They keep saying that, I noticed. They root for each other. Maybe that's a good thing. The world is now full of self diagnosed patients who want their health on their own terms. Another radiologist said to me, “If I ever get seriously sick, I will never read up what’s out there regarding my condition. I will find a doctor and trust him or her blindly”. That’s what our friend who has cancer is doing, too. He refuses to read any material on his disease, outside of the diet book we gave him.

Maybe that’s the way to live. What am I doing here? I should be living my life and stop worrying so much. My thyroid might thank me for not concentrating on it as much as I have.

On the other hand, I did knock down half of my antibodies. Or, did “I”? Maybe they’d have all been just a memory had I not paid attention at all to my diseases this past year.

Like the Anti-dsDNA antibodies, that are now nowhere to be found. Were they ever there, at 113? Was that simply a lab error? Or is the recent negative result a lab error? So... Could there be an SLE in my future? Why do my fingers and heels hurt every morning? They do hurt symmetrically, so that's a non-SLE sign. Maybe it's RA, but I showed no antibodies for that.

I’m slowly growing tired with all these questions. I will stop asking them. I will move on. Shed my previous body, the sick or “sick” body, shed my previous state of mind, worried sick of my being sick, and move the hell on.

I have a great life to live and spring will be here soon.